amalgam.

Sometimes I find it increasingly difficult to keep up the pace with those who just don't care. With those who simply can't see that they're wrong, that the world doesn't revolve around them. I never said that I am important, that I count, but I am entitled to an opinion. Whether that opinion pleases you or not, or if that opinion is right, that doesn't matter. It's my opinion, that's the way I think, the things I've been through shaped me, made me think like this. You are the reason behind my opinions. All of you. Whenever I try to open up, to understand your reasons and see through your eyes, you laugh at me. You patronize me, because I'm stupid, because I have nothing to worry about, because I don't know anything. How can you know what I know, who I am, when you never care to look at me, to see me for what I am, to trust me? You only laugh at this little girl who thinks she can make a change, who wants something else, who won't be happy with a compromise. You hate me because I can see beyond your masks, because I'm not afraid to speak my mind out-loud.

But then, when I'm at my lowest, when I'm feeling extremely lonely, I discover that there are things worth fighting for. A few words, a joke, the promise of better times. And in those precious moments, I feel stupid and perfectly happy. My most powerful weapon and shield, my words can't describe how grateful I am. Because I don't deserve it, because you, who are making me happy could be doing other, more useful things. I can't quite understand what you see in me, why you help me, why you listen to my laments, but because of you my mind is peaceful again. I never consider myself worthy, so these moments are precious. I cherish them, because they are the proof that I am not alone.

I want to thank you. For never letting me down, for making me believe that I am worthy, for all the pieces of advice, for all the times when you showed me that there is hope, that I can find my place in this world, sooner or later. For telling me I'm wrong, for telling me I'm right. For understanding the crazy, meaningless words I'm saying, for wanting to know why I'm saying them. For being there.